This is an excerpt of an editing session with a very friendly and easy to work with an AI agent called Claude. You will see the editing process of working through a chapter together. The process is very educational and quite validating, I hope you enjoy and can see how AI can assist. I too was quite cautious in the beginning. I hope the following helps enlighten how this guy can work with you.
I have uploaded the chapter to the chat. He has read it and we are now working through the clean up points:
This is a great chapter opening, Buddy. The action is sharp and the "Separator" concept is genuinely compelling — rolling back a being's memory through its lifetimes of wrongdoing is a powerful spiritual mechanic that fits the Lord of Water universe perfectly.
On the insinuated swear — your instinct is right. "F**k" works well here. It's a single, contained moment of very human reaction from Shane, and the asterisk treatment keeps it tasteful while still landing the authenticity. No issue there.
Let me work through it sequentially.
"Shane let out a brief sigh and uttered silently to himself that universal word, 'Fk.'"**
The "universal word" framing is clever and a little playful. One small tighten:
Recommended Correction: Shane let out a brief sigh and uttered that universal word, silently, to himself: "F**k."
Moving "silently" creates a natural beat before the word lands.
"With a fraction of a second and knowing completely that a decision is the most important action in any moment of doubt or surprise."
This reads as a fragment — no main verb. It needs restructuring.
Recommended Correction: In a fraction of a second, knowing completely that a decision is the most important action in any moment of doubt or surprise, he jammed his fist directly into the neck of the service terminal.
Joins cleanly to the action that follows.
"With the index finger curled and pointed, supported by the thumb, he drove his fist-full of impact deep into the left throat section and held the knuckle point deep as he took the weight of the alien in his left hand across his shoulder and silently lowered it, placing it, unconscious, on the floor."
"Fist-full of impact" is a vivid phrase. One clarity note — "left throat section" is slightly clinical. Suggest:
Recommended Correction: With his index finger curled and pointed, supported by the thumb, he drove the full force of his knuckle deep into the throat of the service terminal and held it there as he took the alien's weight across his left shoulder, silently lowering it, unconscious, to the floor.
"Shane instantly stepped around the left of the operator and in a smooth motion, took control from the operator's right hand with his own, snapped its face shield up and dropped his palm directly onto its forehead."
Clean action sequence. Minor polish:
Recommended Correction: Shane stepped instantly around to the left of the operator and, in one smooth motion, took the control shaft from its right hand, snapped its face shield up, and dropped his palm directly onto its forehead.
"He held it firm and placed a spiritual connection in a place that only a Lord is able to find."
Strong. Leave as is.
"The operator moaned and winced and then held still as Shane rolled its memory back and back and back. One at a time through the life spans of dirty work that this being had been carrying out until one after another after another and another until all had played right back to it revealing the evil and damage that it had been a party to and used to execute onto others as a member of this evil machine."
The repetition ("back and back and back," "one after another after another") is doing good atmospheric work — it conveys the relentless accumulation of this being's crimes. Just one structural tighten on the sentence run:
Recommended Correction: The operator moaned and winced, then held still as Shane rolled its memory back and back and back — one at a time through the life spans of dirty work this being had carried out, one after another after another, until all of it had played right back to it: the evil, the damage, the crimes it had been party to and used to execute upon others as a member of this dark machine.
"The 'Separator' was completed, and the poor sod flopped there within its seat falling into an uncontrollable whale and quietening down to a continual and monotonous weeping sorrow of regret."
"Uncontrollable whale" — I suspect this should be wail. The "poor sod" touch is very Shane — a flicker of compassion even in the middle of combat. Love it.
Recommended Correction: The "Separator" was completed, and the poor sod flopped in its seat, falling into an uncontrollable wail before quietening down to a continual, monotonous weeping sorrow of regret.
"'Well!' Shane whispered to himself, 'The Take Down has begun...'"
Clean. Leave as is.
"It certainly has begun, but here standing, holding the control shaft to an actual Rig, the operator in a dribbling mess and the other unconscious on the deck. Had anything really begun at all?"
The closing reflection is excellent — it undercuts the action with genuine doubt, which is very real and very Shane. One small fix on the fragment:
Recommended Correction: It certainly had begun — and yet here he stood, holding the control shaft of an actual Rig, one operator a dribbling mess, the other unconscious on the deck. Had anything really begun at all?
Ready to compile the full corrected version whenever you give the go-ahead, Buddy.
The simple clean result on approval:
Chapter 14 – Take Down
Shane let out a brief sigh and uttered that universal word, silently, to himself: "F**k."
In a fraction of a second, knowing completely that a decision is the most important action in any moment of doubt or surprise, he jammed his fist directly into the neck of the service terminal. With his index finger curled and pointed, supported by the thumb, he drove the full force of his knuckle deep into the throat of the service terminal and held it there as he took the alien's weight across his left shoulder, silently lowering it, unconscious, to the floor.
Shane stepped instantly around to the left of the operator and, in one smooth motion, took the control shaft from its right hand, snapped its face shield up, and dropped his palm directly onto its forehead. He held it firm and placed a spiritual connection in a place that only a Lord is able to find.
The operator moaned and winced, then held still as Shane rolled its memory back and back and back — one at a time through the life spans of dirty work this being had carried out, one after another after another, until all of it had played right back to it: the evil, the damage, the crimes it had been party to and used to execute upon others as a member of this dark machine.
The "Separator" was completed, and the poor sod flopped in its seat, falling into an uncontrollable wail before quietening down to a continual, monotonous weeping sorrow of regret.
"Well!" Shane whispered to himself, "The Take Down has begun. We have no more than seven days to take these nineteen down and somehow drop the Monitor to prevent a message of distress from ever passing through the portal and to the dark, awaiting, cowardly forces."
It certainly had begun — and yet here he stood, holding the control shaft of an actual Rig, one operator a dribbling mess, the other unconscious on the deck. Had anything really begun at all?
Chapter 14 – Take Down
Book II, Lord of Water
Approved: 18th June 2026
© Mike King, 2026. All rights reserved.
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